how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
