Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
