its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
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