Define "chronic" masturbator.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
