today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize