i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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