Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
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