What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
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it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
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