Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
