sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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