My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Everyone says I win the strip club
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
