I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
He kissed a someone with a penis
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Randomize
