Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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