I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
