it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
