Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
