Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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