Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
