Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
This is the high leading the old right now
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
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