remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
