sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
