"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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