youre lurking in front of me
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
