I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Randomize
