im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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