i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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