I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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