He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Randomize
