The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
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