Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
