there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
your like the ambassador to my penis.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
