I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
