I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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