Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
We are two peas in an std pod
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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