The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
