youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
