some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
this just has baby written all over it
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
