At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
