I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
