somebody snuck up and got me drunk
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
