I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
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First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
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New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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