He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
