I'm going to rape someone's good day.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
