I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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