You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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