I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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