I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
