it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I just googled if crying burns calories
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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