Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
