Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
