so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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