my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
