I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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