it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
