Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
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