it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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