dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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