Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
