When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
