Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
