Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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