I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
