sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
