I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
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