ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
