I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
