sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
