hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
