Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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