my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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