You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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